1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
Deutsch's 8 Fallacies of Distributed Computing:
1. The network is reliable
2. Latency is zero
3. Bandwidth is infinite
4. The network is secure
5. Topology doesn't change
6. There is one administrator
7. Transport cost is zero
8. The network is homogeneous
Murphy's Original Law
If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.
If anything can go wrong -- it will.
Murphy's First Corollary
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Second Corollary
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
The Murphy Philosophy
Smile... tomorrow will be worse.
Conclusions based on Murphy's Laws
1. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
Corollary - If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
2. If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. If anything can't go wrong, it will anyway.
5. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
7. Everything takes longer than you think.
8. You never find a lost article until you replace it.
9. If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
10. You get the most of what you need the least.
11. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.